[[ BOOKS ]] ⚡ Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire Author Tim Collins – Natus-physiotherapy.co.uk

Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire Nigel Mullet, A Year Old Vampire Doomed To Spend Eternity In The Body Of A Socially Awkward Fifteen Year Old Boy, Records His Attempts To Impress The Love Of His Life, Chloe, While Battling An Embarrassingly Overwhelming Desire To Sink His Fangs Into Her Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Meets Twilight In This Hilarious And Sweet Story


10 thoughts on “Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire

  1. says:

    Won this through the Goodreads Giveaways.This was a seriously entertaining and funny book and I demolished it in one evening, it was that good Just think of all the suave and dashing vampires you can think of from the Count himself to the Cullens in all their mesmerising glory, then think of the complete opposite and you have Nigel Mullet Nigel was turned into a vampire at 15 and as he approaches his 100 birthday his well matured teen angst goes into over drive as he tries to deal with very em Won this through the Goodreads Giveaways.This was a seriously entertaining and funny book and I demolished it in one evening, it was that good Just think of all the suave and dashing vampires you can think of from the Count himself to the Cullens in all their mesmerising glory, then think of the complete opposite and you have Nigel Mullet Nigel was turned into a vampire at 15 and as he approaches his 100 birthday his well matured teen angst goes into over drive as he tries to deal with very embarrassing parents both of whom still dress in the old style and a 10 year old sister who is a wannabe pop princess while trying to woo the love of his life, Chloe.Collins has captured the combination of teen angst with the maturity that Nigel has developed over his 85 years as a vampire with entertaining ease, right down to the mix of modern teen and turn of the century language Combine this with Nigel poetry and his private illustrations and Collins has produced a fantastic diary that could almost be believed if only vampires were real This is what Twilight should have been like, awkward, tense, embarrassing and humorous this captures teen life in a nutshell and I hope there s a sequel to this, and if there is I really really can t wait


  2. says:

    I m planning on making this short it was funny and a different read Over a lot of years I was recommended this due to my strong love for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series you re never too old to read children books, don t judge I was slightly annoyed by the writer who was constantly complaining about how hard it is to be him and how much he loved Chloe and how he wanted to profess his love for her It was very childish and I was very frustrated I mean, he s suppose to be something like a hu I m planning on making this short it was funny and a different read Over a lot of years I was recommended this due to my strong love for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series you re never too old to read children books, don t judge I was slightly annoyed by the writer who was constantly complaining about how hard it is to be him and how much he loved Chloe and how he wanted to profess his love for her It was very childish and I was very frustrated I mean, he s suppose to be something like a hundred years old and he talks like a 13 year old boy I just expected different dialogue.I may or may not read the second if I do it will be in time


  3. says:

    I checked this out as part of my spring break library haul, and even decided to read it first I thought it would be funny, but it was pretty terrible Nigel, the main character, wasangsty than funny, andcreepy than romantic Beyond that, he was an ungrateful brat All in all, I read 74 pages of this, and couldn t force myself to read anyThis was a boring, lame, and angsty read Would not recommend 1 star.


  4. says:

    A very simple book and a quick read It managed to make me laugh out loud and I found some of the double entendre to be hilarious a very fun book for the most part Very easy to read and humorous.


  5. says:

    Actual rating 4.5Okay I LOVED this book I cannot help but think no believe, that Tim Collins was totally making fun of Twilight with this book And that is why I liked it Nigel our utterly lame vampire is so brooding and depressive, I couldn t help but chuckle at Collins obvious jab at Edward Cullen Because of the blatant making fun of Edward, I was laughing and chuckling through most of this book Not only does the poking fun of Twilight make this book fantastic, but the writing i Actual rating 4.5Okay I LOVED this book I cannot help but think no believe, that Tim Collins was totally making fun of Twilight with this book And that is why I liked it Nigel our utterly lame vampire is so brooding and depressive, I couldn t help but chuckle at Collins obvious jab at Edward Cullen Because of the blatant making fun of Edward, I was laughing and chuckling through most of this book Not only does the poking fun of Twilight make this book fantastic, but the writing is really great too Because Nigel is 100 years old, he actually HAS an old timey vernacular unlike a certain OTHER vampire we ve been talking about so the vocabulary is rich and rather poetic which of course is another funny, ironic part of the book because Nigel writes poetry throughout the book and his regular writing is alwayspoetic than his poetry but it s all part of the story and it s charm Despite how funny this book was, I felt there was also another great message in it, whether Collins intended it or not SLIGHT SPOILER TO FOLLOW Because Nigel s confidence and self esteem seems to boost at the end, you can see a change in his attitude He starts writing less, he spositive, and he realizes how much better life is His popularity goes up once he starts enjoying life because people want to be around people who are happy This translates into real life It s something I tell people all the time The minute you decide to start loving yourself, everything changes People want to hang around you, and life is just so much better and easier I was happy to see Nigel realize that, and I hope readers of this book realize it too A win win really And it really is so simple to decide to care about yourself rather than care about what other people think about you Because once you start not caring, those other people will like youanyway.The only complaint I have WHY did they change the title of this book to Diary of a Wimpy Vampire That is entirely so lame This title Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire is wayalluring and also not a total copy cat of the OTHER series it really ticks me off they did that.I can t wait to read the second one


  6. says:

    Nigel Mullet is nothing like the beautiful, sparkly vampires we ve all become so accustomed to He doesn t dazzle anyone with one smouldering look, he s not a smooth talker and he certainly doesn t possess any cool vampire abilities He s a normal 100 year old vampire forever trapped in a 15 year old s body, and he s bored Very bored That is, until he meets Chloe love of his life and the object of his eternal affection Then begins a quest to make her his girlfriend, which is both hilarious Nigel Mullet is nothing like the beautiful, sparkly vampires we ve all become so accustomed to He doesn t dazzle anyone with one smouldering look, he s not a smooth talker and he certainly doesn t possess any cool vampire abilities He s a normal 100 year old vampire forever trapped in a 15 year old s body, and he s bored Very bored That is, until he meets Chloe love of his life and the object of his eternal affection Then begins a quest to make her his girlfriend, which is both hilarious and cringeworthy But mostly hilarious.I really enjoyed Diary of a Wimpy Vampire, though I knew I would as soon as I read the summary It had me laughing out loud on many occasions, and the parody side of it was so amusing Imagine a geeky Edward Cullen pining over the girl he can t get, then add a bit of Spike s terrible poetry to the mix, and you get Nigel Being in high school forever sounds like complete torture, and his embarrassing parents don t help matters His dad wears capes and his sister is a 10 year old wannabe princess things can t get any worse Sounds funny It is Tim Collins has written a brilliant diary style book that vampire fans will love It includes fantastically funny illustrations, and you can t help but feel sorry for Nigel Navigating high school is hard at the best of times, but when you re almost 100 years old and still haven t bitten a girl s neck. well. what can you do I really hope a sequel is in the pipeline, because I wantfrom Nigel I d love to see how he deals with things after the book ends, and I also want to seeof his family They are so cool Diary of a Wimpy Vampire has been described as Twilight meets Adrian Mole, and I can t think of a better way of selling it It has all the awkwardness of Adrian Mole s teen years, along with the vampirism you d expect from Stephenie Meyer Although sun rashes and a lack of strength have nothing on mesmerising golden eyes, Nigel still rocks, cause he does it all with a killer sense of humour No pun intended 4.5 5 stars


  7. says:

    Nigel Mullet is a sorry excuse for a vampire He does not have any of the skills you re supposed to have as a vampire He s not fast, strong or possesses any unearthly beauty, he is stuck in a fifteen year old boys body for the rest of his unmortal life He s even too weak to hunt for blood so his parents have to get him his food He is in love with a girl in his school and getsandfrustrated that he can t confess his love to her and when other boys get closer to her than he does For Nigel Mullet is a sorry excuse for a vampire He does not have any of the skills you re supposed to have as a vampire He s not fast, strong or possesses any unearthly beauty, he is stuck in a fifteen year old boys body for the rest of his unmortal life He s even too weak to hunt for blood so his parents have to get him his food He is in love with a girl in his school and getsandfrustrated that he can t confess his love to her and when other boys get closer to her than he does For the longest time all this book is about is Nigel whining about his unlucky afterlife just like any regular teenager I started to imagine that Nigel was in fact Edward Cullen and it kept me amused long enough for the book to actually pick up the pace About two thirds of three fourths into the book it gets better, but for many I think that is too long to stick with a book The book is a fast read and a bit amusing if you get your laughs from schadenfreude Nigel is supposed to be a hundred years old and he still acts like a teenager I get that is is supposed to be some kind of teenage metaphor that he has not grown into his fangs yet, but his younger sister is a full fledged vampire kidlet My theory is that the lack of powers is a question of attitude He seems to be demanding things from his afterlife the same way a teenage girl wishes for her period or breasts, and you never get what you want when you want it in young adult books This book was amusing for the moment but I won t be reading it again and will most likely pass it on to someone who will appreciate itthan I do, and possibly bepart of the intended audience for this book I can t really relate to the relatable part of Nigel I feel way too old, most of my egocentric whining days are long behind me


  8. says:

    One of the many sweet poems a sensitive vampire wrote for his beloved. I WAIT IN ETERNAL PAINWith your neck so long and blood so sweetLife without you is incompleteHow I long to stick my fangs in your veinInstead I wait in eternal pain..A funny and brilliant satire on vampires, absolutely loved it D


  9. says:

    3.5 stars.The Story Nigel Mullet, a nearly 100 years old vampire who was stuck eternally in the body of a 15 years old school boy, was doomed to go to highschool repeatedly for the rest of eternity because he would never age Lacking vampiric beauty and strength, Nigel always felt like an outsider even in his own vampiric family One of his greatest miseries is that in the past 80 years, Nigel never managed to find himself a girlfriend Will his misery end with the arrival of a new girl student, 3.5 stars.The Story Nigel Mullet, a nearly 100 years old vampire who was stuck eternally in the body of a 15 years old school boy, was doomed to go to highschool repeatedly for the rest of eternity because he would never age Lacking vampiric beauty and strength, Nigel always felt like an outsider even in his own vampiric family One of his greatest miseries is that in the past 80 years, Nigel never managed to find himself a girlfriend Will his misery end with the arrival of a new girl student, will he find true love eventually The Comment On the cover of Diary of a Wimpy Vampire , there is a subtitle which states Because Undeads Have Feelings Too this statement very well gives you what you have to know about this book a It s a parody aims to make fun of the vamps are so romantic pop culture, b It s a story about an emo wimpy kid, who happens to be a vampire.The main character Nigel Mullet is the textbook case of No one understands me , My family just don t get it and My feeling is so deep I need to write a poem to express it emo teen And the author obviously used his characters to make fun of the Twilight series for various of times in the book For example plot spoiler 1.Nigel is doomed to attempt high school for the rest of the eternity and he hates it.2.Nigel is a 100 years old virgin and a painfully awkward one in it.3.Vampires are supposed to be unimaginably beautiful and strong but Nigel is an exclusion.4.The girl whom Nigel is fancying, loves him back immediately once she figured out he s a vampire Is there anyone out there laughing too 5.Nigel also watched his love interest from outside of the window while she was sleeping with the girl s permission though, and he got bored by this romantic activity pretty soon 6.For some reason, the vampires in the book don t sleep.7 The vampires in the book are not afraid of sunlight end of plot spoiler As a YA book, Diary of a Wimpy Vampire is fun to read, although many of the characters e.g the goth kids whom Nigel befriended look pretty stereotyped, and the main character Nigel is someone you cannot easily related with if you found yourself relating with Nigel, be alarmed , still in the end Nigel overcame his weakness and finally proofed his worth to his love interest and parents Therefore, do try this book out if you re looking for a lot of LOLs


  10. says:

    Just imagine someone writing The Wimpy Kids Diary with a bad drawing and a less sen sense of humor that what this book is I was thinking of buying this series the day before yesterday but glad saved up my money reading it in epub format This vampire is not just wimpy enough


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