You Dont Look Adopted ePUB Ü You Dont Epub /

10 thoughts on “You Dont Look Adopted

  1. ~Bookishly Numb~ ~Bookishly Numb~ says:

    I'm usually on the look out for books that are based on adoption as I am interested to learn how different birth mothers adoptive parents and the adoptees have coped with something so significant in their lives I think I may have mentioned this in another review but I was adopted at a rather young age but unlike Anne Heffron I have never met my birth mother who is now in fact deceased or my biological father While I have really never had any interest in my biological father there was a time a good few years ago I was aching to know what my birth mother looked like My curiosity was wild and it kind of comsumed me for a while But despite that I never did make contact with her even though I knew I could do so I think I felt like I was committing something terrible against my parents the parents who had taken care of me my entire life What made things a harder pill to swallow with me is that I was my birth mother's third child and mentally that made me wonder why me? Why keep two of your children and then give up the third? The thing is that lady could have taken the easy way out but she didn't and I am incredibly grateful for that Within these pages Heffron explains how her adoption has practically coloured her entire life It has had a profound effect on relationships schooling and she thinks about it everyday As this is a personal memoir I can pass no judgement on that but I don't think it has affected my life in a negative way and even though it crosses my mind rather freuently it certainly isn't every day I can agree with Anne when she is told On the day we got you as opposed to On the day you were born as that is how my parents began every conversation about my birth I have no photo's of myself as a newborn baby I think the first one was taken when my adoptive parents took over the role from the foster parents I had been placed with Heffron had two adopted brothers by the time she was adopted herself whereas I was my parents first child Apparently my mother was told there were no babies available at that time for adoption and that it was usually toddlers that needed a home Obviously my Mum and Dad who were desperate for a child agreed to take any child that became available for adoption that needed a loving home A few days later my Mum received a phone call that changed her life forever She was going to be bringing ME home I feel for Heffron and the constant struggles she has had with her adoption as I can certainly understand that it wouldn't be easy for any of the parties involved I enjoyed reading from someone else's perspective but I found particular parts of this book difficult as the layout is all over the place There are flashbacks everywhere with no prior warning and this left me rather flustered Despite that fact this was an honest memoir and I think that anyone who can sit and write about their experiences like this is one brave being Thank you Anne Heffron

  2. Sara Strand Sara Strand says:

    I'm giving this one a solid 4 stars right out the gate I'm not adopted but I was able to finally get it I never used to get it when people had a disconnect and never felt part of something because of their adoption or maybe they just don't know one of their parents because I have few memories of my dad He didn't want us he couldn't contribute he was an alcoholic and that was important I eventually gained a step dad but I never felt like I was missing out like a part of me is unfulfilled But after reading Anne's book I get it I've not been shy about my struggles this last year and being suicidal but I never had a good statement to wave and say THIS This is how I feel In Anne's book early on there is a line What does valuable even mean? It means worth protecting worth keeping alive It means that sometimes I cross the street without looking both ways because I don't care if someone hits meTHAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL Another line that just called to me was on the next page I think and its in relation to her writing this book She says If you think your voice is dangerous in its ability to hurt the ones you love you learn to keep it uiet And then the real trouble startsI'm writing a book now and I struggle with writing my truth how I see it versus sparing feelings I shouldn't spare feelings if it's my personal truth right? The entire story from her childhood to adulthood the author is able to show us why hers was different what mistakes she made what points of her life were maybe impacted by being adopted It's written honestly and beautifully your heart strings will be tugged hard As a mom I can't imagine what it is like to hand my baby over I think when we look at certain issues we only see one facet of it we don't look at the full circle People often say that love can fix anything but that's not really true This book highlights how that can be the case Even the best of parents can't fix all of the broken pieces fill all of the holes I have no connection to adoption myself but I really felt the impact as if this was written for me I love this author's voice so much it makes it an easy read If you or someone you know is adopted this would be an excellent book for them Maybe a great read for a newly adoptive parent so you avoid the pitfalls of screwing your kid up ? HA But truly this book is so well written it's going to be one I hold near and dear for a long while

  3. John John says:

    This book is amazing important powerful impactful funny painful vulnerable open honest and absolutely perfectI'm an adoptive father of two wonderful boys Like most people we saw adoption as a miracle a perfect solution to challenges life threw at people Never did I consider there could be ill effects downsides challenges for my boys issues of attachment What could happen that I couldn't love away?A lot apparentlyThis book through its brilliantly written style is a vital read for anyone within the adoption triad It speaks so much to the potential issues and challenges that could be prevalent without our knowingMy adolescent boy is going though some changes becoming withdrawn angry defiant challenging Before this book I casually passed it off as hormones the pains of puberty But what if it's ? In reading Anne's story I am much aware of the potential for other issues Like Anne's mother my boys mother is not open to talking about their adoption with them Now I see the vital importance of opening that dialogue up and giving them a safe place to talkThis book is not only a crucial read it is amazingly well written Anne Heffron has a beautiful cadence about her writing it flows wonderfully reads uickly and is perfectly clean It is funny and poignant open and honest It shows her willingness to be completely vulnerableSimply put this book is fantastic and I will recommend it to every person I know who speaks to me about adoption

  4. Diane Diane says:

    One of the most important things that reading can do is to put the reader into the shoes of another person For the writer it can be a cathartic experience especially when she writes about her own lifeScreenwriter Anne Heffron was adopted at ten weeks of age and writes about how that has colored her entire life in You Don't Look Adopted She begins her memoir by stating that for most of her life she has felt both real and not real because an infant is born with a sense of self not separate from the mother and she believes that her brain took a nosedive in the gap between mothersWe have always been told that adopted children should feel special because they were chosen by their family But Heffron states that while that is true in order to be chosen you must first be unchosen Heffron felt that no matter what reason her birth mother gave her up she still chose to let her go This thought caused Heffron to believe that there was something seriously wrong with her for her own mother to give her upShe also wondered what happened to her and her mother in the ten weeks between her birth and her family adopting her All her life she felt that something was wrong with her and as a teen she sought out therapists and doctors to help battle with her depression eating disorders and inability to stick with jobs schools and peopleHeffron was adopted by a couple who also adopted two boys Her mother wanted to prove that she could have it all take care of her family run a household and have a fabulous career She was a writer but her dream of writing a great book became the reality of being a stringer for a small town newspaper Her mother was not a happy woman and she took some of that unhappiness out on AnneAnne did eventually find her birth mother but she did not want anything to do with Anne and asked her not to contact her any This led to even difficulties for AnneRelationships were difficult for her She was married multiple times and when times were tough she walked away or pushed others away Her daughter going away to college completely unmoored herTeaching writing in a girls' juvenile hall was an eye opening experience for Anne and she told the girls there some of her life story From that experience and that of talking to others who were adopted and finding that many of them had similar feelings and experiences as she did Anne found that it's the stories we don't tell that keep us in various states of paralysisAnne Heffron lets the reader see inside her heart soul and mind in this heartbreaking and honest memoir It feels like we are reading her journal similar to stream of consciousness so it has a bit of an unpolished feel to it Her story brings attention to a subject I didn't know much about and I'm glad I read it

  5. Carol Lindsay Carol Lindsay says:

    I had really mixed feelings about this book Anne's story is her story and her experience is hers alone so how I feel about her story is really of no conseuence Maybe I just don't want her to feel like she felt which is kind of a funny thing to feel Here's my take away My son is adopted he is 9 He has two sisters who are 10 and 11 who were adopted together by a different family There are other siblings adopted by other families as well One we know he was born after but don't keep in close contact the other was born first and we have no idea where he is or what his name is While I was reading the book my son looked at the title and said Hey I'm adopted What's that book about I told him what the book was about and how Anne felt about adoption and we talked for awhile I told him the woman in the book thought about being adopted every day I asked my son if he thought about it every day He paused for a minute and then said no That weekend his sisters spent three days with us He facetimes them a couple times of week and they have sleepovers once a month or so The girls saw the book and asked what it was about I told them and then I asked the 11 year old if she thought about being adopted every day She thought for a minute and then said yes I asked her what she thought and she said about what my life would be like if I had stayed with my first family or what my life would be like if I was adopted by you or a completely different family Wow I had no idea she thought these things Maybe her therapist knows Then I asked the 10 year old and she thought for a minute and said yes sort of My son said say NO I said it's not a right or wrong uestion how she feels is how she feels Why do you want her to say no He said because I don't think about it Hmm so does he really not think about it or does he not want to tell me he thinks about it Now I have to think about that My takeaway it's a good read for adoptive parents because it gives you another person's perspective It also gave me some topics to bring up that I would have never thought of We are very open about adoption

  6. Gwen Berndt Sojdelius Gwen Berndt Sojdelius says:

    My journey as an adoptee hasn’t been the same as Anne’s mine contained abuse from my adoptive family and my actions and reactions have been different too And yet there’s a solid core of issues which I recognize and honor in her story Being adopted is hard It has conseuences for the adoptee even though it was never something we asked for Her memoir is definitely worth a readI freuently see Anne’s memes regarding adoption and being an adoptee on Facebook and they’re always very insightful and often funny I guess I expected her book to be a little funnier although let’s be honest there’s not really much funny about the struggles of being separated from your people Thanks for writing your story Anne

  7. Kate Kate says:

    I'm not adopted But I know a lot of people who are And now because of Anne Heffron's book I have a new understanding of the emotional complexities of that experienceAnne's book is also about this If there's a story you've always wanted to tell tell it If there's a book you've always wanted to write write it Don't let shame or societal rules or strictures get in your way Don't suppress your truth Do not let yourself be dismissed One day you will die TestifyIn the field of memoir people often poo poo the idea that writing your story is cathartic I think they don't want to conflate psychotherapy and writing I get that At the same time Anne's book is an excellent example of the catharsis of writing memoir AND she's a really good writer with a sharp intelligence Catharsis and a damn good book don't have to be mutually exclusiveIt was beautiful to see how unleashing all she'd been holding back for so many years led her toward self love I guess that's what happens when you excavate the shame Of course it's all an ongoing journey We often have to re remember that at any given moment we have a choice to say fuck it and throw off the burden and shine

  8. Amber Jimerson Amber Jimerson says:

    If you follow Anne on social media or have listened to her excellent interviews on Adoptees On you know the circumstances of this book and judging by some of the reviews it’s important to know that going in She’s openly admitted the errors and the whirlwind of writing and publishing this book and I believe she’s said she wouldn’t publish like this again and yet it was absolutely necessary she do it this way for herselfSo the uality aside what she has to say is insightful Having dealt with separation and attachment issues though I’m not adopted I found myself relating to her actions and fears uite a bit And what she shares from the conversations with other adoptees or adoptive parents should be beneficial to other adoptive parents or adoptees or birth parents like myselfIf this book challenged you or scares you keep going Don’t stop when this book is over find adoptee voices to listen to and see what happens Anne is not alone in much of what she describes

  9. Chris M.H Chris M.H says:

    I think much of what is written in this book is both brave and honestIt's put together in a non linear way which makes it uite hard to follow jumping from early to late years freuently but it does work What I liked most was her honesty about how much adoption can influence relationships with others and especially yourself Anne doesn't try to hide any of the tough subjects addressing abandonment attachment and love issues throughoutHer fear which she describes several times about being unable to believe that she is valuable and that she's capable of being loved is very relate able and her discovery that in the end it's less about trying to gain and hold onto love from others but about being able to find the love in yourself and give it to those who deserve it in your life The book doesn't end on a particularly sweet note There's no ultimate fix or epiphany that renders the whole of her experience worth it only the grittiness and determination that comes through to face the trauma and impact of grief head on which will inevitably spur on countless others to do the same

  10. Kyczy Kyczy says:

    This book tugged at my heart strings I immediately collared people I wanted to read sections to I read some to people at a conference I was attending and whether adopted or not whether they knew someone who had given a child up for adoption or had an adopted sibling; it opened their eyes It opened mine It opened my heart Nothing is a simple as it seems even the beneficent actions in our lives may have dark conseuences The important things in our lives have no simple solution Read this and find out why

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You Dont Look Adopted [Read] ➮ You Dont Look Adopted ➶ Anne Heffron – Adoption can be tricky It's a wonderful thing to be chosen to be brought up by loving parents but in order for this to happen there has to be an initial abandonment and this loss can settle like a see Adoption can be tricky It's a wonderful thing to be chosen to be brought up by loving parents but in order for this to happen there has to be an initial abandonment and this loss You Dont Epub / can settle like a seed of unease in the adopted person uite possibly affecting the entirety of his or her life Anne Heffron who'd been adopted at ten weeks old embarked on a three month journey she called Write or Die leaving California for her birth place New York City in order to do the one thing she'd been unable to do her entire adult life tell her own story and not the one she'd heard all her life that began The day we got you You Don't Look Adopted is an intimate look at what it means for an adopted person to live in the world as someone who was both chosen and given away.