The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

10 thoughts on “The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

  1. Teresa Jusino Teresa Jusino says:

    This book should've been called How To Be a Human Being Everything it talks about has to do with how to have effective and enriching relationships in all their forms Own your feelings be honest be open about what you want be willing to compromise talk to each other listen to each other I was particularly interested in what it had to say about owning one's feelings that no one can make you feel anything That idea goes a long way in making strong emotions manageable Also I really appreciate that it acknowledges those emotions It doesn't say you shouldn't feel a strong negative emotion it says that what's important is how you act on the negative emotion and how you let it affect the people you say you love Also reading this definitely corrected certain assumptions about polyamory that I had It's funnybut a lot of what's considered polyamorous is stuff that I wouldn't consider outside the bounds of what I would consider a monogamous relationship The key is though any relationship can work as long as everyone involved is clear about what they want and honest about their intentions I tend to bristle whenever anyone perports to have the answer Now I know this book was primarily designed for people who are already considering a polyamorous lifestyle or are at least interested in the topic and several times it said something like monogamy is fine if you actually choose itbut then it would go on to talk as if monogamydepression and polyamoryfreedom Taking one kind of dogma and replacing it with another does not eual freedom to me The only thing I believe means actual freedom is the ability to make a choice and allowing an environment where people don't feel ostracized for making one choice over another If someone chooses vanilla sex with one person for the rest of their life they shouldn't be made to feel as though they are somehow lesser for being less adventurous or repressed any than someone who chooses an open relationship should be called promiscuous Lastly I had trouble with some of the logic used in this book For example when they say that do parents of nine children love their children any less than the parent of one child loves himher? And the thing is YES Parents always have a favorite Parents always love one child or several children than the others This doesn't mean that they don't love the other children but it does mean that they are loved differently They shouldn't love all their children the same If what separates human beings from animals is the ability to make conscious choices then we can't balk at the idea that there is one thing or one person we would choose over something or someone else I mean even the distinction between primary and secondary relationship illustrates thatI think the biggest problem for me with this book is that there was no real distinction made between emotional and sexual monogamy Monogamy is simply used as the all encompassing opposite of polyamory But as was illustrated in so many of the relationships used as examples in this book very often people in a group love relationship have one person they are the most emotionally committed to and not even that they are interested in being life partners with owning a house or having kids with but two people who are committed to each other and committed to a certain lifestyle together There's always a person we enjoy being with the most It doesn't mean we don't love and enjoy being with our other friends lovers family whateverbut people have favorites and ultimately a most favorite Pretending that's not the case seems silly to me

  2. Rita Brinkerhoff Rita Brinkerhoff says:

    I feel like it is written forby pagan couples in their fifties who go to the Renaissance Faire ie not bisexual ladies in their twenties It's a good introduction to these concepts though Interesting stuff like your hippie parent would tell you about without having to listen to said parent talk

  3. Mephistia Mephistia says:

    Before I write my review I want to say something I don't normally read psycho babble self help relationship help type books Maybe it's because I've been in therapy since I was a teen maybe it's because I regularly read psychology and medical texts maybe it's because I have an immediately visceral and negative reaction to the idea of trying to change another person This is probably due to the fact that people have been trying to change me for so long convince me mental health issues are figmentss of my imagination; fallacies I can overcome by strength of willAnd too often self help books and relationship manuals rely on what I perceive as the negative perpetuation of the idea that one can improve serious issues like depression bipolar dissociative personality disorders PTSD and other serious mental health issues through happy thoughts and positive thinking and spiritual energies and other hoo haMost relationship help books also tend to tilt too far in one direction or the other Here's how to change himher you can't change another person it's an exercise in futility and only hurts everyone involved or alternatively and supposedly realistically You can't change them so accept them faults and all and love them as they are Live with itBoth of those tactics are depressing and horrific and probably help attribute to the high divorce rate as neither of those tactics are in any way conductive to honest communicationWhich is why The Ethical Slut is so freaking awesome The authors are proponents of polyamory or open relationships that's true But the basic tenants of communication and how to strengthen a core relationship the little exercises for opening up the lines of discussion between a couple everything in this book is invaluable I loved the concept of agreements rather than rules it's so easy for someone to say This is a rule and we think of something strict and unbreakable and feel boxed in and itchy and even if we often don't admit it angry and wanting to break it Rules beg to be broken But agreements sound so flexible so easy and negotiable As my husband pointed out when I discussed this with him they have safety rules at his place of work and they get broken all the time which irritates the crap out of him as a forklift driver But they also have employee agreements which are re negotiated every two years with employee input And I can see how that parallels so easily It makes senseAnother thing the authors discussed was arguing obviously all couples argue Everybody argues We have to argue it's how we hash out the difficult issues paying bills and visiting inlaws and everything big and little that we disagree on The authors introduced two new concepts to me Scheduling fights ?? and the win win ideaI'd heard of scheduling sex I'm pretty sure that anyone married than 3 years and definitely anyone with a kid has been introduced to the concept of scheduling sex At first it sounds weird but then you get used to the idea and then it makes perfect sense There's still spontaneous sex yeah but there's also scheduled sexWell the authors discussed how scheduling fights and learning how to fight constructively letting each person have uninterrupted time to air their feelings practicing fighting over small issues using a timer learning to walk away and calm down for 10 to 15 minutes when things got too heated can strengthen a relationship The concept of a win win is brilliant too It's basically compromise but I love how they phrased it because we all go into an argument wanting to win It's how we're wired we want to make our point and we want to win and once we do it'll be done because we've won right?Except it's not done just because we've won because somebody's lost and a loser is never happy They're still angry and mulling over their loss and what happened and one day that same damn argument will swell up and bite you in the ass even though the winner thought it was over and done and behind them they won so it was done right?That's where win win compromise agreements come in If everyone feels like they've won then there are no losers and the argument is truly over It won't come back to bite anybody in the ass But only if you've hashed out a compromise that's truly a win win for everybody something that everyone is happy with and can live withAnd all these things seem so self evident so Well duh I knew that They're the type of things that when you read them you're nodding and laughing and going Yeah I totally get that and making little notes in the margins and underlining phrases and entire paragraphs Because even though in some part of your brain you knew that and you totally understood how that worked you couldn't uite figure out how to phrase it in just the right wayI swear this book is a must have for everybody in a relationship or anybody who wants to be in a relationship It's awesome It doesn't matter if you're in a monogamous relationship an open relationship or curious about an open relationship It's great for anyone seriously Read it

  4. WILLIAM2 WILLIAM2 says:

    This is better than I thought it would be In part it’s a uasi history of sexual morality and attitudes through the ages; in part a psychology of desire especially how we justify certain biases about sex with compelling suggestions on how we might live pleasurable lives Epicurus not to mention his disciple Lucretius would have admired it greatly It’s also a great pep talk Get it while you can What interests me most is the sheer number of sexual viewpoints today and this book strives to honor all of them “While we are looking at sexual diversity let’s remember that we live in a multicultural society and that every culture in our world every subculture every ethnic culture has its own ways of creating relationship connecting in sex and building families All are valid and valuable” p43I like the positive worldview but I can think of plentiful examples that do not seem suboptimal Another problem is that the book makes some spectacular claims but doesn’t source them For instance “the Greek philosopher Aristotle is known to have enjoyed being ridden like a pony by his female acuaintances” I’d sure like to know where that came from No doubt there are classicists who do but I don’t and one reaches the saturation point when it comes to Googling everything So the book isn’t scholarly It’s a book of practical advice of lived experienceAnother thing it seems to me the authors are far too sunny about sex work Yes it would be wonderful if sex workers were viewed as say psychoanalysts are seen bringing healing expression to their clients Meanwhile look at sex trafficking and how it operates in 34 of the world See Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn’s Half The Sky Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide Don’t get me wrong the authors do seek to keep their readers streetwise They’re very good at warning sexual adventurers that being open about their polyamorous lifestyle might not be the best thing for their careers or families But in other respects with regard to sex workers say they seem pollyannas Especially here there’s an aspirational impulse underlying the text The authors don’t always see things as they are but as they Wish them to be To wit“Sexual healers could help free us from the terrors and inhibitions learned in a sex negative society and show us what amazing sexual geniuses we all might be Healing shame healing trauma the amazingness of sex beyond violation the power of fantasies So much is there for us to learn and grow sic Sex can be a powerful journey into healing in general goodness there are professionals who can teach us how” p 52Must finish

  5. Mk Mk says:

    So I realize that I probably lose radical ueer points for not being that into this book but so goes it Though it contains some practical tips for polyamory the tone of much of it rubs me the wrong way The idea that sex solves everything is clearly oversimplified No joke at one point they come uite close to saying that if people had just been having sex with people the Holocaust wouldn't have happened

  6. Joey Comeau Joey Comeau says:

    I wish someone could write a book about having multiple sexual or romantic partners without sounding like a god damn flake hippy

  7. Mickey Schulz Mickey Schulz says:

    This book is lauded as a sort of Poly Bible I don't know how I feel about that It's a little twee in parts but includes a whole lot of good information about how to communicate that can be used by everyone not just people looking to practice open or polyamorous relationshipsI do have a couple of bones to pick though I don't agree that anyone can do poly or open relationships Some people just don't have the psychological wherewithal and THAT'S OK And the book does actually say that if you don't want to that's ok It still has a sort of inference that you should want to but at least it does throw monogamous folks a bone I think that asking the wronged partner in a cheating situation to be mindful of the feelings of those who cheated on them is kind of weird I'm also highly skeptical that an open relationship founded on the basis of one partner already cheating can grow into a healthy relationship I'm sure it's not impossible I'm just highly skeptical Also I would not recommend introducing a monogamous partner to the concept of poly or open relationships by just giving them this book without prior conversation Really Like as not that's going to just get it thrown at your head I think you need to broach the subject first and ask beg or plead with your partner to read it Not just spring it on them Granted probably better than coming home and saying Guess what? I already have another partner you need to adapt but stillI stress again that the book has a LOT to recommend it Excellent communication tips and advice to challenge views about sex and sexuality that you did not consciously form but were instead indoctrinated in you by societyparentschurch They also discuss being mindful of your partners's feelings and making sure you take the time to find out what makes them tick emotionally and sexually And while they do stress that this will be hard work I don't think they emphasize this enough and instead spend most of their energy telling you how AWESOME it will be when you are sexually open And granted part of that may just be my annoyance with the bulk of poly evangelists I've known IRL who annoy the piss out of me because they tend to leave a string of broken people behind them who wonder what's wrong with them that they can't do poly

  8. Jess Jess says:

    This book helped me deconstruct the way I have been programmed to think about love relationships and how important it is to take care of yourself Even If you don;t plan on becoming a floozie anytime soon this book is a really great read

  9. N N says:

    Firstly make no mistake this is a self help book Be wary if you are someone who dislikes endless cheerleading on why you should respect and love yourself and others and the birdies and the treeeeees okay I'm exaggerating but people who find self help jargon grating should proceed with caution There's a LOT of learning to love yourself stuff in here much of it not relating to polyamory at allHowever beneath the cheerleading there is also practical advice along with some charming personal anecdotes Even for those who aren't really looking to plunge into a polyamorous lifestyle there's some thought provoking stuff about sexuality in this book all of it presented a non judgemental way The Ethical Slut could do with being a hundred pages shorter it's fairly repetitive but otherwise it's a good read

  10. Tate Tate says:

    Totally the epitome of the It was ok rating I think the only people who read this book and really really love it are people who are looking for some validation it's in a book it's gotta be legit for polyamory I think polyamory is pretty valid but the authors seem self righteous at times and that really turned me off to this one

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The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities ❮Download❯ ➶ The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities Author Dossie Easton – The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable For anyone who has ever dreamed of love sex and companionship beyond th The essential guide for singles and Slut: A eBook ¸ couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable For anyone who has ever dreamed of love sex and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle from The Ethical eBook ´ self reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries resolve conflicts and to define relationships on their own terms I couldn't stop reading it and I for one identify as an ethical slut This is a book for anyone interested in creating pleasure in their lives a complete guide to improving any style of relating from going steady to having Ethical Slut: A PDF/EPUB À an extended family of sexual friends Betty Dodson PhD author of Sex for One.